Funny Bones: On Grief and Humor

Grief is such a bitch. She arrives at only the most inopportune time, knocks you on your cute ass, and then long overstays her welcome. And like, what are you gonna do? Cry? I mean, hell yeah, you're gonna cry. But sometimes, we gotta laugh.

Finding humor in grief isn't just a coping mechanism; it’s a lifeline. It's a smile on your face, finally, when you thought you'd never smile again. It's a way to replace that ooey-gooey softness in your center--you know, the place where you feel like you've been stabbed?--with some well-deserved cynicism. Bonus? Learning to laugh when you're at your most vulnerable will 100% make you more fun at parties. Babe, you're gonna be a hit at the wake! So, let's explore the wonderful world of laughing in the face of death, shall we?

Laughing and Crying and Dancing Oh My

Grief is messy. Grief is raw. Grief is unpredictable, and exhausting. But humor? Humor is the slice of lime that helps that nasty ass tequila go down. When you read a funny story about grief you’re not just avoiding tears; you’re giving yourself a break. It’s like telling your sadness, "Hold my purse," and then you go off to dance. Even if only for a few minutes.

Advice for Writers

If you're a writer and want to give making fun of dead people a try, start by jotting down the weirdest, most absurd moments you’ve experienced while you're grieving. Then, ask yourself, “What’s the punchline here?” It's a little fucked, up, yeah, but it can also be fun. And don't you deserve a little fun? I mean, hello?! Your dog/hamster/mother/husband JUST DIED!

Here are a a few more tips to get ya going:

1. Honesty first: No one likes a bullshitter. Dive headfirst into the ugly, awkward, and heartbreaking moments.

2. Self-deprecation: Making fun of yourself is a classic move. It’s disarming and relatable.

3. Unexpected twists: Humor often comes from the unexpected. Like realizing your grief makes you do weird things - like talking to your dead Chihuahua's favorite David Bowie costume. What? It's a thing. (Seriously, scroll down.)

4. Vivid storytelling: The more you can see, hear, and feel the story, the funnier and more touching it becomes. We need DETAILS, people. What was so slutty about what your Aunt wore to the funeral? What exactly was stuck in the corpses teeth? You get what I'm saying, tell me EVERYTHING.

5. Respectful irreverence: Poke fun at grief without being cruel. Although, I dunno, sometimes making fun of someone can be really fun. What? Hurt people hurt people, haha. So maybe we take out "respectful," and just emphasize the "irrerverence?"

Where to Find Funny Grief Stories

Here are some places and writers to start with:

• David Sedaris: The king of self-deprecating humor, Sedaris showed me something much more vulnerable when writing about the loss of his sister in Calypso.

• Cookie Mueller: Her books changed my life, maaaan! A great starter collection os heres is Walking Through Clear Water in a Pool Painted Black. Really sweet, impactful and sometimes hearbreaking stories.

• Julia Fox: Her autobiography, Down the Drain, is full of trauma, but also gets pretty funny at times. Def dark, def fun for anyone with a club kid or druggie past.

• Me, duh! Auriane de Rudder: Here's a link to one you can read right now. Also, my friends keep dying, so I'll (yay!) have some new funny/sad/grieving writing for you soon, and then also BOO MY FRIENDS KEEP DYING this is the actual worst. Oh yeah, and for all my people grieving the loss of a pet, there's THIS!

  
  

  ANYWAY! The next time grief crashes your party (although, I sincerely hope that it won't) don’t be afraid to crack a joke. Why not let your vulnerable and cynical sides spend the night out, together? In this whole, big, painful, mess of things, we've gotta have a sense of humor.

  
  

If you’ve got a funny grief story or essay you love, drop it in the comments - Thanks for reading! MWAH! --Auriane